Softball, Sunnyview Style

It Aint Cricket

I was no longer teaching at Sunnyview School in the spring of 1976, the time of the Great Faculty-Student Softball Game. There were only three adult males connected with the staff who had any expertise in the game, and the rest of the positions had to be filled by sincere people who meant well. One such well meaning person was a visiting Brit who had never played baseball. But he had played cricket. That’s almost the same thing, isn’t it?

Well, no, as a matter of fact, it isn’t.

We explained to him that in softball the pitcher does not come running up from somewhere in the next county and bounce the ball towards him. Instead, he stands on a mound of earth whirling his pitching arm around like he was wringing a chicken’s neck and then he tries to fog the ball past the batter as fast as he can. And, this was the critical part, when he hits the ball, if he hits the ball, he is not to charge the pitcher’s mound with bat in hand, but run to first base instead. Putting the bat down. Putting the bat down was critical, although I’ve often thought it would be a far more interesting game if base runners could carry their bats with them.

Then we had some practice and I batted fungoes for 45 minutes. Fungo, that’s a fly ball, and according to the dictionary the word is an “Americanism, origin obscure.” I’m desperately right handed and so batted fungo after fungo that way, swinging my bat from low right to high left and torquing my back each time.

The next morning I couldn’t move. I had a really bad sciatic pain and could only alter my orientation in the bed 90 degrees and try to get up without bending my back. Bedtime was a similar move in reverse. Fall over backward like a tree and change my orientation in bed 90 degrees.

But the Brit did learn to catch fly balls, and he did quite well, even if he forgot and charge the pitcher’s mound after his first hit. Waving his bat. Scared the bejazus out of the pitcher. But that's good. Adults should terrify teenagers every now and then. Makes them polite.

Copyright Ken Harris 2009